Rewriting (Biblical) History

Historical revisionism, or sometimes called negationism, seems to be coming increasingly popular. It is when an historical event, series of events or personage is redefined through new evidence or discovered motivation. Whether we now believe that the world is indeed flat, that Eric Clapton is not in fact God or that the Gulf of Tonkin incident was really an attack by a sea monster called Trish, the changing of our understanding of history is common place.

Sure, some of the accusations are wild and improbable (Holocaust deniers and believing that Lady Gaga is a member of the illuminati for example) but some seem probable and allow for huge marketing possibilities.

All this taken into account, I thought I would give it a bash myself.

At a recent archeological dig in Jerusalem, some astounding findings have led leading theologians to revisit the manger. It is now believed that the three Kings, astronomers or Magi were a troupe of accordion players. The amazing discovery of an ancient accordion, scarily looking like a musical tabernacle, may lead to the revision of some well known biblical tracts.





Furthermore, the Christmas service will, in future, have many of the traditional hymns rewritten into a polka form and many classical paintings of the birth of our Lord and savior will have to be touched up to add some believability to the now incorrect representation of that tiny stable.

The Catholic Church is bound to insist that priests start learning the bellows-driven free-reed member of the aerophone family and the vow of silence that usually permeates humble seminaries with be replaced by a cacophony of novices practicing The Beer Barrel Polka.

I can only see my rewriting of biblical history as a total boon for Christianity.


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